John Kirby: “Replacing Hostages With Money Was Iran’s Gesture Of Peace”

John Kirby: “Replacing Hostages With Money Was Iran’s Gesture Of Peace”

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The U.S. government airlifted the equivalent of $400 million to Iran this past January, which occurred as four detained Americans were released by Tehran, the Wall Street Journal reported Tuesday. The cash transfer was the first installment paid in a $1.7 billion settlement the Obama administration reached with Iran to resolve a failed 1979 arms deal dating from just before the Iranian Revolution. The Journal also reported that U.S. officials acknowledge that Iranian negotiators on the prisoner exchange said they wanted the cash to show they had gained something tangible.

Asked to comment, State Department spokesman John Kirby told The Journal that “there is nothing out of the ordinary here,” seeing how the United States “never leaves any of its citizens behind.” “And this has been the policy that separates our country from the rest of the world and that also makes this country the last remaining bastion of the free world,” he said. “We solved the problem the best way we could; let’s focus more on the lives that are now safe and less on how they were actually saved.”

The spokesman then praised Iran for being “more civilized than usual” when it came down to finding a mutually acceptable solution for all parties involved. “I have to say, we were really surprised with how Iran reacted to the whole situation,” he revealed. “You have to understand, we’re talking about a very die-hard country here, about a people that is fanatical about their cause, which for the past couple of decades was hurting us any way they could. And then they decide to replace hostages with money, out of the blue? We were genuinely shocked when they came up with the idea.”

He added, “And also, you need to wrap your head around a terrible fact, as well – hostages are a much stronger argument when it comes to negotiating one’s terms than money. So basically, we got the better of Iran because we’re richer than they are. And even though I knew what the reactions of the American public to our acceptance of Iran’s proposal would eventually be, I still think we made the right call. In my mind, accepting a bucket load of money in exchange for American lives was Iran’s gesture of peace, something we’ve been striving for for several decades. History has been re-written.”

“And this is yet another proof that America is the rightful leader of the free world,” Kirby said. “By working hard and paying taxes, every single American can be a hero. When you work hard and pay your taxes, you enable your government to spend loads of money on ridiculously expensive private jets, gas for government cars, latest-generation assault weaponry and, in this case, ransom for American spies captured overseas. In other words, by chasing after your very own American dream, you help realize the dreams of not only your government, but also many corrupted, America-hating enemy governments of the world, as well. And this sort of thing makes me very proud to be an American and to have a job in the U.S. State Department,” Kirby concluded.