Philadelphia, PA – First Lady Michelle Obama on Monday asked Americans to decide who they want serving as a role model for their children – Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. This election, Obama said during her speech at the Democratic National Convention, “is about who will have the power to shape our children for the next four or eight years of their lives.” The crowd waved purple signs that simply read “Michelle.” Obama made clear that this election will determine who will give hope to, or instill fear in, the next generation. “Every word we utter, ever action we take, we know they are watching,” Obama said. “We as parents are their most important role models.”
This is when her speech took a turn for the weird. “And while we’re on the subject, there’s also another very important question that needs to be considered here. And that is – who does the American people consider to be their predominant top model? Me, Michelle Obama, the current First Lady, or Melania Trump, the potential next First Lady? I think this is something we need to pay close attention to, as we’ve never had this sort of dilemma before. With all due respect to the previous first ladies, this time it’s really important for obvious reasons,” Obama seemed to have taken a page from the Kardashian handbook.
“I really think we need to settle this right here and right now,” she argued, causing whistles and screams from the audience. “Because, as you all know, there has been a lot of controversy concerning the both of us in the press and in public lately. And I’m of the opinion that we need to address this issue right now and not let it wait. So, let’s have a sort of an unofficial vote here. Let me hear y’all who think she’s hotter,” Michelle said, causing partial screams and partial boos. “Okay, okay, not bad. How about me?” The crowd then exploded with loud noises, claps and whistles that went on for several minutes. “I don’t know about you guys, but I think this is pretty obvious,” she concluded.
The First Lady then went on to argue that, while she’s “not personally affected by what’s being said about the two of them in the media,” there’s a need to “sort out this matter publically” because it’s of the utmost importance for the future of America…somehow. “I have to say, I didn’t doubt you guys for a second,” she argued. “But unfortunately, as much as I love you, there are hundreds of millions of people out there whose vote we’re still going to need. That’s why I urge all of you to get out of your homes in November and vote for Hillary Clinton at the presidential election. And while you’re there, also make sure to vote for me as well, because we have a historical opportunity here to prove once and for all that a woman of color can be more beautiful than an Eastern European genetic bombshell of a woman,” Obama said.
“The future of girls and young women all across America depends on it. I’ll make sure to include a ‘vote for Melania Trump’ or ‘vote for Michelle Obama’ checkbox just under the names of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. I’ll take care of that, and please go out there and vote because we need to show our children that they have nothing to fear when it comes to Eastern European female genetics. Those women are gorgeous, yes, but so are we. And there’s nothing to be afraid of because we have something they don’t – we have women of different skin color. And you know what they say – the best things in this world come from combinations. After all, if you want proof of that, just take a look at my husband,” Michelle Obama urged.