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Obama To Police: “I’m The Only One Stopping The BLM From Kicking Your Butts”

PhotoCredit: Wikimedia Commons

 

President Barack Obama told a gathering of law enforcement officials on Monday that he was critical to their efforts to reconcile with the black community: “I’m your best hope,” he declared, according to a police official quoted by the Washington Post. The gathering took place as Obama prepares to visit Dallas, where five police officers were murdered Thursday at a Black Lives Matter protest. Obama has spoken out in defense of law enforcement, but has also echoed criticisms of racial disparities in policing.

“Gentlemen, we can’t have any more black people killed by Caucasian police officers, it’s bad for everybody,” Obama is quoted as saying. “I mean, I know you guys are doing a heck of a job everyday on the streets, and I know it’s very stressful. But at the end of the day, that’s what you prepare for at the Academy. I realize you are performing very challenging duties on a daily basis, but you’re the ones who wanted to do them, nobody made you become cops.”

According to the official who provided insight into the gathering, President Obama also gave the law enforcement officers some tough love. “And guys, you’re probably going to hate me for saying this, but you really need to get your act together. I mean, right now I’m the only one standing between cops throughout the country and the Black Lives Matter movement, whose members, I might add, outnumber cops something like 20 to 1. You need to take charge and spread the word throughout precincts in the country that no more black people must be killed,” he reportedly said.

“Now, as of this morning, I’ve managed to calm them down a bit and I’ve been given firm assurances that no more attacks on the lives of police officers will take place in the future,” Obama also argued. “On the other hand, I need you to work with me here, guys. As of this moment, the killing stops and no more lives are to be lost because of fear. And for the record, if that doesn’t happen the way it’s supposed to, if another black person is shot and killed by police, all hell is going to break loose, I’m warning you. The Black Lives Matter movement is going to kick your butts six ways from Sunday.”

“That’s why I decided to set up this meeting as a more of an informal gathering than an official visit. That way I wanted to make sure all of us are on the same page. I’ve assured the representatives of BLM that I would do everything in my power to act as a mediator and try to reconcile African Americans throughout the country with law enforcement agencies. Because, what’s the alternative? You’re outnumbered, cops are outnumbered, I’m outnumbered, and for the record, I won’t be sitting in this chair anymore come November. So, if you’re planning on doing something, you better make it quick, because that idiot Trump is not going to give a darn about cops, let alone black people. I suggest you take me seriously on that,” the president concluded.