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Rep. Hastings: “Clinton Should Offer Rappers, Liquor And Free Porn To The Youth To Win Them Over”

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 Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-Fla.) wants Hillary Clinton to be the next president, but he’s worried that her campaign is spending too much money on TV advertising, which may not reach a crucial demographic: young people. Fortunately, he has an idea for how to make sure they turn out – and turn it up.

“What’s wrong with us people?” Hastings said during a meeting with Florida Democratic activists Thursday, according to The Palm Beach Post. “We got that big old beach over there. And all you have to do is get some liquor and some punk rockers and some rappers and you’ll have all the kids you ever needed. But our old fogy behinds, we continue to not do the things that are necessary.”

“And if we keep it up, we’re going to be left mourning over the things we could have done, but didn’t, while we’re watching Donald Trump’s inauguration,” he added. “We need to shake things up and we need to get moving, because otherwise we’re going to regret this for the rest of our lives. And that’s not so long in my case, I know I’m going to be gone soon. It’s our kids I’m worried about; they’re the ones who are going to be ruined by a Trump presidency.”

Hastings continued, saying, “And if the beach and the liquor and the parties somehow fail, which they won’t – I mean, we all know how lazy and messed up our kids are nowadays – but if these things fail, we’re always left with stuff like free porn. That should do the trick, at least with the boys. The girls I’m not so sure about, well, at least not when it comes to the majority of them.”

“And that’s another thing – technology has advanced so much today that you can virtually offer, like, one exclusive porn to each kid that supports Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign, it would be that easy,” Hastings noted. “And it’s not like there wouldn’t be enough porn, because the Internet is comprised of something like 90 percent pornography. So, essentially it’d be like we would have an endless supply of free porn and imagine what kind of support we could get her with that.”

That’s when his rhetoric escalated. “This is really making me angry, aren’t we supposed to be some darn liberal political party? And could someone, anyone, please tell me what’s so liberal about campaign ads running 24/7 on television networks? Hillary Clinton hasn’t done one truly liberal thing since her campaign started. Heck, I’m surprised people haven’t started calling us Republicans by now,” the Florida Rep. stormed.

“So, I suggest we start living up to our name, like, yesterday, before Trump gets the same idea and turns it into reality right away. We can’t have that idiot beat us to the punch, everybody knows he’s got a nose for business! He’d probably offer free porn for one year only if you vote for him, then start charging you for it. That’s why Hillary should offer it for 5 years at least. That way, she’ll secure her re-election for the second term in 2020. But, in order for all that to come to fruition, we need to get on it right away. Besides, we’ll need to put money into marketing the strategy as well, because today’s youth has the memory span of a goldfish,” Hastings concluded.